


something familiar

by sarahjean



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:46:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahjean/pseuds/sarahjean
Summary: i’ve always hated when things were tense, i’ve never liked the feeling that we weren’t alright. we never yell at each other. it’s just something we can’t bring ourselves to do no matter how angry we are. we did though. i told him to fuck off because i’m not ready. i will probably never be ready. i’ll always like the world we created inside an apartment that we could hide in.





	something familiar

i’ve always hated when things were tense, i’ve never liked the feeling that we weren’t alright. we never yell at each other. it’s just something we can’t bring ourselves to do no matter how angry we are. we did though. i told him to fuck off because i’m not ready. i will probably never be ready. i’ll always like the world we created inside an apartment that we could hide in.

telling people meant they’d want even more. we’d get asked to kiss for a picture or in a video. we’d have to explain the complicated mess that is our love. i just can’t do that. we are fine just being the two of us. our families and close friends know but they are different. they don’t feel the need to get answers. it is what it is. i love him and he loves me. simple as that and nothing more. 

he brought it up though. it’s been long enough for him. he wants the world to know that there is no single person above me in his life. he wants to claim me in front of the whole world. i love that he wants me to be his indefinitely and for every single person to know that, but i’m too damn scared. i’m scared for the backlash we’ll get no matter how forward the world gets. there will still be people who hate. i know they all shouldn’t stop me from being out with it all. i know that they are all trolls who are just looking for attention. it’s my husband though, my marriage. 

now we aren’t talking. i’ll cave and apologize, soon enough we’ll be back together laid on the couch while watching whatever he wants because that’s how we compromise. things will still be tense but he knows how scared i am. we are too close not to know what we fear. all these years have taught me that. any fear we think is a secret isn’t. that’s how connected we are. so in sync that the slightest shift in anything and we know what’s up. he knew i was already on edge after posting that picture. yet he brought it up. 

“love, are you okay?” god damn that man. “i’m sorry, i just was thinking that well we always talk about everything and uh when you captioned the picture as trying to be more transparent i figured that maybe it was safe to bring it up.” i wasn’t expecting him to cave first. He held grudges more than i did, and for longer too. 

“i feel like shit. i’m exhausted from everything. all the meetings and emails, all of this shit. i really wanted to have a night that was quiet and just us.” he always played with the ring when we fought. it grounded him into remembering that we promised to never fight so badly that we called it quits. “you don’t need to play with that ring. i meant what i said about never letting you go just because we fought. i just don’t think the time is right. with us going on tour soon it just doesn’t feel right. i want the next couple months to be about that and not all of them obsessing over any touches because they know. i’m getting closer. i’m sorry for not being ready yet but you know how hard it is for me to tell my head no. you know what i’m going through. you were there for it all.” i looked up at him. radiant as ever, that’s all he ever was. 

his glance met mine. irises locked together in a touchless embrace. “we both know i’m the one who’s in the wrong here. i pushed knowing that we need to wait until at least october. can we find an understanding. you know i’m ready but i’ll always wait for you. i have to, your my husband. i’m your best friend too. come here.” it wasn’t the end of this whole quarl but at least for today it was over. so i moved from my position hunched over at the side of the bed to the ground where he sat in front of me. he embraced me just like he always did. tight and loving. he ran his hand through my hair, the one thing that calmed me down. 

“can we just go to bed? i can’t bear to deal with anything other climbing into bed and going to sleep right now.” it’s only 8pm, way too early to be on brand for either of us. i don’t want to be anywhere but in his touch. 

“do you really think you could sleep now if you tried? bear you’ll end up lying there for hours. why don’t i make you some food since we’ve been too caught up in all of our stupid fighting to eat. you can sit on the counter and watch.” i was hungry, unbelievably so. he was right about me not being able to sleep. i don’t think i’d be able to turn off my brain until at least 11. that’s hours away. 

i pulled back to look at him. “what are you making me?” he smiled.

“it’s a surprise, something i was waiting for date night to pull out but i think tonight is the perfect time to make it for you. call it a peace offering.” i leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. food was enough for me tonight. there was no need for sex to kill the tension. 

“i hope you know how to make whatever it is right because i’m starving and i would hate for you to mess it up.” he chuckled before kissing me again. 

“stand up you rat, i know what i’m doing. i made it for my family the last time i was up north. you know martyn wouldn’t lie if i made bad food.” i stood up then pulled him to stand next to me.

he wasn’t lying when he said he knew how to make it. i didn’t expect him to expertly pull together sushi. things went back to being fine right when we walked out of the bedroom. our hands clasping together as we went to the kitchen. the rest of the night was seamless. we ate at the table passing pleasant conversation. sat in the living room curled up listening to quiet music. then in bed staring at each other. the light from the moon reflects off his face. i wish he could see how beautiful he was with the moon's rays covering half his face. looking into eyes that were home before drifting to sleep in the comfort that was undeniably ours. a bed where only two bodies had ever slept.

**Author's Note:**

> I disappeared again but school started and i have no time anymore, thanks for reading this though!!!


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